Trying to make sense of it all...

My husband and I are into the second month of trying to have a baby. There are so many different things that go through your mind when realizing that your life is going to take a turn. These thoughts will eventually become action, our actions will be taking our lives down a new path and in truth, the unknown is a little scary.

We have decided that I will be an at home momma since the cost for childcare will be equal to the amount I take home working 40 hours a week, and who better to look after our baby than me?

Besides the normal scares, there are only a couple concerns that I have so far.
Money, which I am told will be made to work when we have kids, is my first worry. I know we will be able to rearrange our lives for the baby(ies) but I don't want my husband working so much that he feels he has no time to spend with the kid. I would LOVE to be able to take some of that responsibility off his shoulder while still being at home for the baby.

Also, I want to be happy at home. I want to feel like besides care taking, that I have a purpose and ,as selfish as it sounds, a life of my own as well...

How do you find this balance? I recently took a book out from the library (Will Work from Home)and although I have no direct path chosen, it has given me a lot to think about. I am only about half way through the book but its really opening my mind to different possibilities...

Amongst other things I have learned that there are options and possibilities, not to be afraid or to down play my assets. I will forge forward and continue with an open mind.

Month One

My husband and I decided that this was the year we were going to start our family. We had both agreed that there would be no pressure and I would just go off the pill. We had agreed if we got pregnant great, and if not we were happy anyway... This is month one with no baby to be. How is it I have turned from feeling "meh" in the kiddo portion of my life, to "I want it and I want it now"?
And this is only month one.
I hear it is very normal to be waiting a few months after going off the pill before conceiving and yet with this month being torture, wondering when and if I am preggers every moment of every day, I don't see two more months of me being able to stand the anticipation, let alone any longer than that...
I think of all the women wanting and waiting for momma hood and know one month is really nothing compared to what women all over the world are going through but I cant help feeling a little disappointed that our time isn't now...